We really hate to do this

Dear Celeste, 

It is with a heavy heart that we infect your precious blog with pessimism, but we have been silent for far too long.  

Remember last semester when you left several of your major writing assignments and finals to the last minute?  Well, we cut you some slack because you were planning a wedding, but do you recall how you promised us that you had learned your lesson and that your procrastination days were over?  We are beginning to wonder if we have different definitions of the word "promise."

We can't take this much longer.  Is it too much to ask to get seven hours of sleep a night?  I mean, we prefer more like nine or ten, but we try our best not to get too greedy.  But every morning when that blasted thing cries out to us, we want to throw the alarm out the window and watch it shatter into a million, gajillion pieces.

In attempt to meet deadlines, you ask us to come up with creative intellectual remarks in the middle of the night, so you can hand in your papers and get your A the next morning.  Do you know what kind of pressure that puts on us?  And what were you thinking taking on a new job this week?  You realize there are still only 24 hours in a day, right?

Remember the glory days of fifteen minute, hot showers?  We hate this five minute in-and-out business.  Lamo.  Likewise, your hair has been permanently parked in some sort of knot on the top of your head every day this week--do you really think that is flattering?  And trust us, you DO look better with makeup.

We are officially filing for a raise.  We refuse to continue to work overtime without extra compensation.  And you owe us big time over Christmas break.

WE HAVE NEEDS TOO!!!

With kindest regards,

Your mind and body